Mmm i am so bored that i replayed Final Fantasy X just to see the ending once more... stoopid weather so cold and wet that make me dont feel like going to gym today. Eyes getting heavier every moment now... hoping that the rain will stop so at least can go over to Mannix to play with lanterns once more... sure reminded me of my childhood haha...
Childhood... memories of the past... the past, both pleasant and unpleasant... thinking more of the unpleasant ones these few days... mmm how did them shaped me what i am today... I often proclaimed myself as a "feeler", try to feel each and everyone's feelings, but is it the right thing to do? Think the fact was that when I was young, i often felt neglected to a certain extent, i really hope that someone will feel how i feel like once in a while... issit possible? I really dont know... these few days really need to dig out my sorry past... need to get over them... perhaps some of them had been kept inside me for years and ages that i cannot even remember when...
Bullies... existed everywhere whenever you go... been exposed to a lot of cases of bullying so far in my life... worst case was that i was whacked so badly that i landed up in hospital, had three nose operations and still only have about 60% to 70% of my smell only... people aruged that I am so big sized, who dared to bully me? Somemore I am a black belt in taewondo etc etc... well i dont know... never been violent in my life... well maybe now i am violent... trying to divert what i had kept in me for years... sometimes deep in my heart, i really hoped that i am the bully, rather than the bullied... Up to now i really still cannot understand the fact why i never be able to fight back these bullies... Am I too scared? Am I a coward? Am I just a sissy?... I really dont know... I lost most of my self-confidence during this time... and i had been trying hard to regain that lost aspect of mine...
Lost of self-confidence... well in psychology, there is a study on why humans will choose to fight or flight from their problems and issues that they will be facing... and self confidence sure played a large part... that part of me had been lost for a long time too... people often commented that they wanted to be like me, so confident when presenting in classes, giving speeches easily and even speaking out my mind in front of a huge crowd without even a tingle in my knees... but sometimes i really feel that i wear a mask here and there... deep inside i am just a coward refusing to face any challenges especially in romance coz i always felt inferior to other guys... now trying to escape, escape into a deep isolated hole far away from everyone else? Is this the only way i can perform? One will never know... my brainchild, my hopes, my dreams and my ideas... really need the self confidence to back these up... Is that the way to define success???
"The pathway to success is often pre-determined by oneself, no one can tell you what success is... it is a level in which you believe what you have achieved in life is called success... but is this level of success the highest level you can achieve? or this level of success what other people think it is success? The answer is for you to decide and make a choice on..."
Childhood... memories of the past... the past, both pleasant and unpleasant... thinking more of the unpleasant ones these few days... mmm how did them shaped me what i am today... I often proclaimed myself as a "feeler", try to feel each and everyone's feelings, but is it the right thing to do? Think the fact was that when I was young, i often felt neglected to a certain extent, i really hope that someone will feel how i feel like once in a while... issit possible? I really dont know... these few days really need to dig out my sorry past... need to get over them... perhaps some of them had been kept inside me for years and ages that i cannot even remember when...
Bullies... existed everywhere whenever you go... been exposed to a lot of cases of bullying so far in my life... worst case was that i was whacked so badly that i landed up in hospital, had three nose operations and still only have about 60% to 70% of my smell only... people aruged that I am so big sized, who dared to bully me? Somemore I am a black belt in taewondo etc etc... well i dont know... never been violent in my life... well maybe now i am violent... trying to divert what i had kept in me for years... sometimes deep in my heart, i really hoped that i am the bully, rather than the bullied... Up to now i really still cannot understand the fact why i never be able to fight back these bullies... Am I too scared? Am I a coward? Am I just a sissy?... I really dont know... I lost most of my self-confidence during this time... and i had been trying hard to regain that lost aspect of mine...
Lost of self-confidence... well in psychology, there is a study on why humans will choose to fight or flight from their problems and issues that they will be facing... and self confidence sure played a large part... that part of me had been lost for a long time too... people often commented that they wanted to be like me, so confident when presenting in classes, giving speeches easily and even speaking out my mind in front of a huge crowd without even a tingle in my knees... but sometimes i really feel that i wear a mask here and there... deep inside i am just a coward refusing to face any challenges especially in romance coz i always felt inferior to other guys... now trying to escape, escape into a deep isolated hole far away from everyone else? Is this the only way i can perform? One will never know... my brainchild, my hopes, my dreams and my ideas... really need the self confidence to back these up... Is that the way to define success???
"The pathway to success is often pre-determined by oneself, no one can tell you what success is... it is a level in which you believe what you have achieved in life is called success... but is this level of success the highest level you can achieve? or this level of success what other people think it is success? The answer is for you to decide and make a choice on..."
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