mmm just noticed that i did not used my desktop since this year to update my blog. Over the past month things had changed quite a lot... seems like losing the "bengness" in me... or did i have any to start off?

This month has been the month of breakups.. ever since I had return to Melbourne, can easily say that there are more than 10 cases of breakups that I heard of... some happened to my close friends while others had came to such an ugly stage that both parties almost killed each other. There are also a few where i tear up the friends who knew both of them... quite difficult ya? who says relationships only affect the couple??

Hoping to get a car soon, now considering or getting Gerrad's car already. Seems like a good deal but the only thing is that the car is 3litres... mmm really drink petrol like water... lucky i plan not to travel a lot in the car... except going to work, going to Frankston and sometimes out for a meal or coffee... Definitely that having a car in Melbourne is very convenient for anyone...

Just having a thought now about relationship... someone complained to me isnt she good enuff or great enuff for the guy? why he had to leave her for another gal? mmmm i thought about that qn for two years now... why Wenda would cheat on me coz of Derrek? the qn been running through my mind... not that i am a great guy to start with... i never cheat on her or did anything wrong to her... just that i need to come back to Singapore earlier than her and she need to stay here in Melbourne... just two weeks away from her and all these shit happened... well maybe when she broke off with me life became a blessing... finally no one to stop me from being involved in uni activities... no more bullshit like "You cannot join this club coz you will not have time for me...." what a bullshit now i come to it... but well when you are in love, you will keep thinking that anything that your partner say is right and at your best interests...

the moment of truth is coming soon... well maybe moments... with regards to MUISS and with regards to my personal life...

As usual... one blog update per month. Took this opportunity to update my blog coz i came to the labs to study but forgot to bring my headphones... haha so now waiting for the library to open so that can go use the comps there... mmm like so many people in the lib and labs... haha everyone sure is working hard now~!

Highlight of the mth... mmmm well can say i finally cracked. Been a long time since i crack. The last time i crack was when I was in Hainan managing the team with everything going wrong at the same time... makes been wonder how much can i take? Been a long time since i cried so badly till the next morning i cannot even opened my eyes. mmmm guys crying... haha society has made us in such a way that when a guy cries, it is a sign of weakness... i really always think about that.... haha but well even Rambo, the persona of all masculinity in the movie also broke down in 'First Blood' after his tedious moments in the jungle, broke down in his Colonel's arms after being resuced... Chey but this is a movie u say right? mmm but....

CRYING

Defined as:

1. To sob or shed tears because of grief, sorrow, or pain; weep.
2. To call loudly; shout.
3. To utter a characteristic sound or call. Used of an animal.
4. To demand or require immediate action or remedy: grievances crying out for redress.

(Source: www.dictionary.com)

When do people cry? For me, perhaps most probably coz we dont understand what the heck is going around the world that is working against us. Pressed against the odds and you still that you are doing the right thing... but why does this right thing cause you so much grief and torture? Mmm on the other hand, someone once told me that crying is good for the eyes actually coz the tears will wash away all the dirt from the lens of your eyes and it is human bio-system to ensure that we can see... judging from this biological perspective that technically that everyone should cry at least once a day so that our eyes can be all refreshed... but all thanks to society once more where the action of crying had been stigmatised as a sign of weakness for man and a sign of pity for woman.... mmm maybe not... haha nowadays... crying has been gernalised to a stage that when someone cries in public is so unslightly... only thing is to cry in private... but when you cry in private, it is true that you still can achieve the biological function but no one will know what the heck you are crying and what you are crying for.....

Well i did crack that day and all i think was wanting to step down as President of MUISS... the organisation that i took pride in doing stuff... but glad that Ryan and the previous execs initated a meeting between all of us and things finally settled down i guess... I always blamed others for some of my actions... and in this case, i blamed Song Yee (my gen sec) for my actions... I am sorry about that... but when the volcano in me erupted, i find it hard to come in terms of my existence and the things that I had been fighting for... the things that i been fighting for.... mmmm i always believed that my decisions are always right... at this point of time, so far the plans i had and the ideas that i have never prove anyone wrong.... well maybe thats why i develop a sense of ego in me... if you want to question me, justify your questioning... mmm that is my belief... however, sometimes i dont even accept that justifications... mmm really now i came to grasp with the fact that my ideas are always not the best.... but... well...

My personal life is the one that made me crack. I crack so hard coz i really dont have a life to myself. Even when i decided to go for a movie, i must make time constrains for MUISS... well after that meeting was good coz it told me to be frank with my exec members... being frank with them at least will allow me to really enjoy what i always wanted to do...

Seeing her at the first time, i sort of being attracted to her to a sense... How to describe it? mmmm dont know... just being attracted. For the past few days been pondering of how to approach her and how to even make myself known to her... well i will never know... haha Mark nowadays always try to play cupid or some sort of love advisor... hahah telling me all the stuff... well i shall devote the quote of the day... opps month i mean to Mark:

"If you dont find a girlfriend within a month, I will personally chop you up"
Mark

PS: One month to find a gf???? crazy issit? hahah